Sweeping for Bugs

Because we are the key managers for our company, we are lucky enough to have a maintenance team assigned to our floor. Any time we have a problem, all the Voice of Reason has to do is call the building manager and our crack maintenance team will report in a flash. Unless it's lunchtime, break time, coffeebreak time, or daytime, in which case it takes them a touch longer.

So, yesterday, the Devil noticed that the ceiling tiles in his office were disturbed. Never mind how or why he noticed this. My own theory is that he was startled awake so suddenly he didn't have a chance to return his new desk chair to the upright position and had to scan the ceiling to pretend he was leaning back in it for a good reason. As a result of his ceiling scan, he noted that two of the ceiling tiles were slightly askew.

Having sat in his office on many, many occasions, desparately searching for anything to look at other than his combover, I can tell you that these ceiling tiles have been askew for some time. It never occurred to me that the off kilter tiles indicated anything more than the typical shoddy work of our maintenance team. But to the Devil, the ceiling tile situation means: INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE!

Now, you may recall from an earlier post (Emergency!!!! There's a spoon in the sink.) that the Devil normally calls the Voice of Reason in situations where there are actual or perceived emergencies. In this case, though, the Devil did not do so. Instead, he contacted the building manager directly to ask that the maintenance guys report immediately to look into the ceiling tile snafu. There are several theories circulating about why he bypassed his normal route. The most popular is that he suspected the Voice of Reason was somehow involved in the INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE.

So, after about 45 minutes, the maintenance team showed up in response to the Devil's summons. I should probably mention that the maintenance team is composed of three guys: the tall one, the fat one, and the talker. They always travel in a pack. Regardless of the purpose of the maintenance call (leaking pipe, bugs in the kitchen, industrial espionage), the team arrives together. If there is an action to be taken, they take it together. Let's say, for example, that there is a big bug in the bathroom. All three of them will arrive. All three of them will consult. All three of them will remove the bug. We call them Larry (talker), Darryl (tall one), and Darryl (fat one).

The Devil tells Larry that the tiles are askew. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl look at the tiles. They consult and appear to reach a conclusion. Then Larry communicates that the tiles are, indeed, "fucked up." They move, as if to fix the tiles, only to be stopped by the Devil. Why are they stopped? Because he wants them to call in experts to (and I quote) "sweep the perimeter for bugs."

To Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, this is confusing. After all, we found them perfectly capable of sweeping for bugs in the kitchen and the bathroom. Why call in an exterminator now? After at least twenty minutes of discussion, the Devil is able to explain that he isn't concerned about six-legged freaks. No, what he wants is for someone from the Justice Department to come over and use high tech equipment to scan his office for sophisticated listening devices.

In the end, saner minds prevailed. While the Devil was debating the issue, the Voice of Reason went into his office and straightened the ceiling tiles. By the time the Devil got back, he couldn't remember which ones had been dislodged. So we managed to avoid a visit from the feds, at least for today.

Anyway, I'm too short to dislodge ceiling tiles. And they make these teeny, tiny listening devices that you can hide in the most ordinary objects. Like new desk chairs.