Semaphoring

So, I'm sitting at my desk, working on one of the four assignments that Devil gave me when I arrived at work today. I was out yesterday, and he was making up for lost time. Anyway, one of the things he asked me to do was call and yell at someone. Oh, he didn't put it that way, but that's what it amounted to. And part of what I had to convey was that the person should feel even worse about being yelled at by me, because he wasn't important enough to be yelled at by the Devil. (See Levels.)

Anyway, I was on the telephone, yelling away, when I noticed a flurry of movement right at the outer edge of my field of vision. I looked up, and there was the Devil, engaged in a little behavior we call "semaphoring."

What happens is the Devil will shoot by my office door with nary a pause, flapping his arms wildly like a giant bird of prey. He looks like a poor soul deep in the throes of St. Vidas's dance. Sometimes he has a piece of paper, file folder, or newspaper article in his hand, to which he will gesture and point in a fashion he clearly believes is meaningful. Sometimes he does the pinky-thumb phone waggle near his ear, indicating that he wants you to call him when you complete what he takes as your personal call. If he's really agitated, he will stand in the doorway and have a sotto voce conversation with you, moving his mouth in an exaggerated way, gesturing like a charades grand champion to accentuate his indecipherable words.

This morning, I did what I always do, which is indicate that I understood his communication by nodding then look away immediately. Then, when the call is over, I wait for him to come by again. Here's how that goes:

Devil: minion, are you busy?
Me: Why no, Devil, I was just completing the second of the many tasks you dumped on me when I arrived this morning. Here, let me move the award I won from the Chamber of Commerce so you have a place to put your coffee cup.
Devil: (indignantly) Why didn't you call me when you got off the phone?
Me: (sweetly) Oh, is that what you wanted? I thought there was a bee in the office (the Devil is allergic to bees).
Devil: No, I wanted to discuss something with you. Come on back to my office when you have a chance. [In hell, "when you have a chance" means "now."]
Me: (teeth clenched) Sure, I'll be right there.

Semaphoring is similar to another of the Devil's ways. If two or more of us are talking, and the Devil suspects that we're talking about him (he ALWAYS suspects we're talking about him), he will do a little something we call "sharking." Sharking involves cruising slowly back and forth past the conversation area. He'll find innumerable reasons to float back and forth. Sometimes we torment him by falling silent as soon as he comes within earshot and then laughing as he floats back down the hallway.

Semaphoring and sharking: two of the methods the Devil has developed to substitute for actual communication.