You wanted me to talk to you when?

The Voice of Reason and I had lunch recently, during which she tormented me with tales of the real world. Of course, the conversation eventually found its way back to the Devil. VOR reminded me of one story I had somehow managed to forget. That electroconvulsive therapy must be working after all. Anyway, from VOR, a trip down memory lane:

The Voice had been working with the Devil on developing our divisional budget for the next year and came across a problem with the figures she had gotten from one of the assistant vice presidents. She spoke to the Asst. VP, asking him to clarify the seemingly faulty figures. He gave her additional information, but the final figures still didn't gel.

So the Voice went to the Devil, and asked him whether he wanted her to investigate further or wanted to resolve the problem himself. Those of you who have read this blog can guess what the Devil's response was. He told the Voice that he needed more information from her before he could decide how to handle the discrepancy.

The Voice diligently did her additional research, and put together a packet of information for the Devil to review. She stuck a post-it note on the packet, reading "I'd like to discuss this with you when you have time." She put it on his desk right before she left for lunch.

The Devil was uncharacteristically silent that afternoon. The Voice heard nothing from him, and he didn't look at her or talk to her any time he passed her office all day. Then, right before she was supposed to leave to pick up her son for a soccer game, he sent her an e-mail asking her to stop by his office and speak with him.

When she entered his office, he asked her to close the door (never a good sign). Then he proceeded to flay the skin off her. Gesturing at the packet of information on his desk, as if afraid to touch it, the Devil asked: "Why didn't you speak to me about this before now?" The Voice of Reason reminded the Devil that she had spoken to him about the underlying budgetary matter. The Devil responded: "No, this information," tapping the packet. "Why didn't you speak to me about this before now?" The Voice was quite confused. She explained to the Devil that: (1) she had alerted him about the budget issue; (2) he had asked her to further research the matter so he could make more informed decisions about it; (3) the packet on his desk ("this") was the research she had done; and (4) it had a post-it on it asking for a time to discuss it. How, she asked, could she possibly have spoken to him about it before she had?

The Devil spent the next thirty minutes explaining to the Voice why she was being insubordinate and how she could do her job better. At the end, he asked her the famous question we have all come to dread from these little sessions: "Now, what have you learned from this?"

The Voice, with a ten-year-old twenty minutes late for soccer, and a mortgage on a new house, swallowed her screaming until she made it to her car. Now when he asks her to research something, she sends him an e-mail asking him to set forth the parameters so she has it in writing. Ahh, the Devil's handiwork: turning a quality employee into an emotional wreck in under an hour.