And the Academy Award Goes to . . .

It has been an interesting week down under. Last week, we had a truly ghastly meeting of the board of directors, after which I almost gave notice. Then I remembered all the mouths I have to feed and swallowed the bile of rage. The weekend brought a car accident (not my fault, I hasten to add). Then on Tuesday, I got an extremely lenghty e-mail from the Devil.

My usual e-mail behavior where the Devil is involved is to refill the coffee cup, make sure my meds are up to date, and then read each paragraph slowly to unravel its core element. Once all the core elements are gleaned, I recombine them and try to discern some meaningful patterns. Sometimes it works. More often, I'm left with only the most cursory sense of meaning. However, as the Devil likes to visit me to verbally deliver the same messages, it usually works out in the end.

So, with my cup of steaming coffee ready to go, I read Tuesday's e-mail. I have no idea what most of it said. One sentence, though, has branded itself on my memory:

I have been informed that, owing to my efforts on behalf of our industry and concomitant good works overall, I have been given the annual BLAHBY award for excellence by the [Blah] Association.

What? The first time I read this line, I had a visceral reaction. Everything in my body from the sternum down clenched. I read the sentence several more times. No, it didn't change into something like: I have been permanently drummed out of the [Blah] Association for permanently mangling the English language, not to mention my concomitant and obvious idiocy. He was getting the highest award that the association that represents our industry gives. This is his second major award from the association, and he is the only person in the last thirty years to win both awards.

My head has been swimming ever since. This Devil is a truly horrible person. NO ONE who has ever worked for him likes or respects him. How is it possible to be so well-respected by outsiders? Why can no one see through his bullshit? (Sorry, I don't normally swear, but I am absolutely gobsmacked by this award thing.)

So, all week, I have been listening to him on his telephone, taking congratulatory calls from all the sycophants who voted for him to win this award (it was unanimous, by the way). And the best part? Because he won, he has decided to spring for the costs necessary for his key managers (yes, I am one of them) to attend the awards ceremony in New York. I cannot wait. I'm just hoping I can make it through the evening without throwing up.

And if I do, the next envelope that is opened will be the one announcing my award, for best actress in a thankless job. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it!